RIP

He came to me... came so close to me that I found it uncomfortable even in breathing. I averted my eyes and I am sure he understood that I want him to take back his steps. But he was deterministic and I was the fool. He knew my entire flesh inside out and started squeezing me like a deadly black serpent. His eyes were so intense that it demanded to give him the way. I resisted… resisted like a new born child… suffocating and hardly did I breathe. Still he was so deterministic and stood there right in front of me… I could breath his breathe. His love was so pointing that his words started tearing my heart into pieces. Now I realize the innocence that I had then for I am not innocent now.

Did I yield or he made me yield to him? The serpent started crawling upwards reaching to spit its poison on the very inside of me that the virgin me won’t allow a man to see. Its hissings made me wake up from the half-asleep state… and I said myself ‘you are not late’. Releasing myself from its oily clutches, I threw it away onto the trash bin far away. Patting and coughing I ran as fast as I could. A crystal drop paved downward and I tasted salinity. He shouted and I closed my ears with both the hands as hard as I can and still running. Those hisses still give my nights a deadly touch.

I can’t run anymore… I can’t. I stopped there to take a deep breath which gave me some moment to think, to chew away the salinity, to regain the spirit bruised by the deathly weapon. Why did I run than fighting back? Why did I yield than beating back? Why didn't I come out of its clutches long back? All these ‘why’s’ asking questions and I sat there silently for some time. ‘Hisssss’ , yes I heard it again then and I couldn’t control my wrath for I was blunt to allow him spoiling my innocence, for I was blunt to allow him stripping me, for I was blunt to allow him view my inside, for I was blunt to allow the killer weed grow on my food.. I burst out...

And still he is there trying to prove to someone that I did the worst job of running away.. that I am a coward... But I never care! because he is ignorant.. he still can’t understand that it was the only way through for me to get some breathe. I don’t want to hate him cos the innocent me treated him as a friend once and gave him some space in my heart. Yes, you still have that same old space but never ever hope that I will let you know about it .. for I don’t want to see you again … never ever. Years flew away but still these marks… these bruises… I know.. I know it will remain there in my heart for ever and at times I hate myself for not forgetting that!